Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
