dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize