Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
