Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
