She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
