No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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