how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
