So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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