Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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