So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
