How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
