Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
two words: eviction party
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
