sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
