On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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