Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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