Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
