Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
