I have demons in me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
