i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
