can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
