Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
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I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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