FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
