I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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