You can't special order awesome
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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