I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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