Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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