sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
