All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
