omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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