Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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