Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.