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I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we're making bets on your personal life
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
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