if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
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they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
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There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?