this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...