call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants