Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.