I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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