I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
