I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
