We need to rekindle our bromance
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
