What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
well most of my day revolves around power hour
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
