I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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