I think I died a long time ago.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
