I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
