And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
