I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
