Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
