hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
