Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
