I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
