Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
