Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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