clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
