Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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