two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
