No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Why did my mother make you get naked?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
